Raising Hell the Proper Way
by Isho Moogoo
Summary: this is a retelling of overlord and it's expansion pack Raising Hell. this story is how i saw it and/or wanted it to be. entire story being rewritten. prologue will be up soon.
1. Prologue

**Isho: This is a retelling of the first Overlord with the Raising Hell expansion pack. This is how I view the story or wanted it to be so if you don't like it you can kiss my ass. Warning: contains quotes from the game.**

**I don't own the people who made the game but I do own a copy of the game. And I wuv it so. **

**I redid this chapter and will re-do every one so i can finally finish it and get on with the other fics. i will notify anyone who subscribed for an alert or favorited it whenever I update it. enjoy the remake.  
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The Tower shook as the massive armies raided and destroyed it. Another massive stone gets released from the catapult and blast's it's way through the veranda, ricocheting past me and into the wall. If I survive this I would make it so that no one could rise against me again. I raise my sword and parried another blow from the Paladin's sword.

More "Heroes" were joining the fight against me as their men stood around and watched. Damn, two of them were enough fucking trouble let alone seven! Most of my minions were dead by now so it was getting harder to fight. I wince as an arrow went through my arm making blood spurt out the back along with it. Fucking elves! I pull my mace off my back and turn to the nearest person. Before the Wizard can dodge or block I hurl it at him with all my strength and it hits him square on the forehead with a crunching thunk. The force of the blow sends him careening out of a hole and plummeting to his death.

Throwing my mace left me open and distracted, which meant I was too slow to block the hammer blow to my back, breaking several ribs. I wheeze and look around for any more minions to help me, none. They were probably all dead, or with Gnarl. Probably for the best, there wouldn't be enough to help out and I want them to live on just in case.

Nonetheless, I'm taking more than one with me. I swing my sword at one of the midgets, I think it was the Halfling but only manage to graze his arm, flinging the drops of blood onto the floor. Damn it, I refuse to die with only one hero dead! My breath leaves me as an arrow lodges itself into my stomach. I rip it out quickly and pull out my axe. Time to give it my all.

I summon a large ball of fire and throw it where the Elf and the Dwarf huddled together. They barely get out of the way, but have to bat the flames out of their clothes. The Paladin and the Halfling rush at me, giving mighty battle cries. I dodge them and kick the runt across the room, and into the on looking crowd. Alas, I was distracted again and the Dwarf had snuck up on me again and swung his hammer at my knee. The joint snap backwards and I crumple, growling out a string of curses. Sweat rolls into my eyes and I can barely make out the Paladin walking up to me, raising his sword then bringing it down.

Master's head is cloven in two, body convulsing until it dissipates into a violent storm of dust that is soon blown out to the elements. All that was left was the Master's twisted, bloodied armor and weapons. The Paladin turns to the rest of the crowd and addresses them in a voice that echoes across the wasted tower for all to hear.

"We have defeated the demon! We are now free of his dark rein!"

Applause and cheers break out. They stop as their saviors address them again.

"The battle was long and we have lost many, but their sacrifices were not in vain! Now, good people, take back what he stole from us! Go, and take what you can, for peace is upon us again!"

There is another uproar as everyone scatters and starts to dismantle and destroy what they can of the former dark tower. A few people try to take the armor and weapons, but the Elf stops them.

"No, the aura of evil is most prevalent on these. It would be wise to leave them to rust."

I and three other minions lurk in the shadows and watch as our beloved Lord's dark tower was desecrated by the filthy flesh creatures. Not wanting to get caught, or see any more, I urge the minions into the spawning pits. Hopefully, the dank mustiness will lift our spirits and hide us from the ransacking armies. We will wait for our Lord there.


	2. The new dark lord

**Isho: This is a retelling of the first Overlord with the Raising Hell expansion pack. This is how I view the story or wanted it to be so if you don't like it you can kiss my ass. Warning: contains quotes from the game.**

**I don't own the people who made the game but I do own a copy of the game. And I wuv it so. I might make one about the wii version Dark Legend (completely different plot). Probably won't be related to my current story. Depends.**

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Five years. Five fruitless years of searching for their new overlord, exploring the vast catacombs of the ruined tower and below. Since the previous overlord did not sire an heir they had to hunt down and dig up all of the lost crypts hoping one of them would have gathered enough dark energy to form a new dark lord. No luck yet. Just ones with minute traces of it. _I hope one comes about soon. Otherwise all of those blasted heroes will have died already and revenge would be pointless_ grumbled Gnarl in his head. He continued to bitch and moan in his head until one of the minions shouted.

"Here, this one!"

The grammar and vocabulary of the other minions appalled him. Honestly, any fewer braincells and they would be lucky to even be considered alive! Anyway, I walked over to where the minions were opening the crypt. There was a shuffling noise as our new master stirred from his five year slumber. I handed an acid soaked cloth to the closest minion.

"Here, rub some acid in his eyes. That'll freshen him up."** (well, duh it will! it's acid!)**

I push a minion out of the way as i look at our new Lord.

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I groan as I wake up. I sit up and look around. It's dark but my eyes soon get over it. There are four...what are they called again? Oh yeah, minions. Very unimaginative name. Anyway, there are three regular looking ones but there is a shriveled up and extremely old looking one. Where have I seen him before?

"I am pleased that you have awoken my lord. My name is Gnarl am the head minion and I will be your adviser. If you will kindly follow me we will put your armor on."

I get out of the crypt/coffin thing and follow the one named Gnarl.

"This is the spawning pit sire. This is were the minions live and breed. This is also were we have hidden your armor from the people who ransacked the tower. Now, let's see if the armor fits."

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**Isho: That's the first chapter. The reason I said that it was on hold was because I don't know how often I can update because I'm writing another fan fic. I will update from time to time and I thank you for bothering to read this.**


	3. The Jester

**Isho Moogoo: I'm amazed. So far 33 people have read this. I didn't think anyone would like this THAT much! Just so you know I haven't had any votes as whether I should use Rose Velvet or a made up character as the mistress. I want you to decide. That means review. Use R for Rose V for Velvet and O for other.  
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**I don't own the people who made the game but I do own a copy of the game. I wuv it so.**

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After 15 min. my armor was on.

"It's suits you my lord! Now, come with me if you want to learn the finer points of combat. Or, if you want to get right to the smiting, you may meet me in the throne room."

He looks at me as he says this. Might as well practice. I'm probably rusty.

"I'll practice."

He nods.

"Excellent choice my lord. Now, if you'll kindly follow me."

I follow him into another door in the spawning pit. It opened up into a grassy field. As I look around I notice another minion pop out. This one is wearing a ridiculous green hat with bells on it. He jumps up and down occasionally flipping me the finger. I turn to Gnarl, pissed.

"Oh that's just our old jester. I should have nailed him out for the crows long ago. Pay him no mind sire."

"Overlord? Over rated more like!"

I clutch my axe. I have the biggest urge to lodge it within his skull.

"Actually, this might be a perfect opportunity. Sire, go and teach that ungrateful bastard to respect his overlord!"

I nod and go over and start to give him a much needed beating while Gnarl cheered me on. After I get in five hits the prick runs off and gets out of my reach.

"You fight like a dead badger! Shame you don't smell as good!"

"Master if you can't reach him then send your minions after him."

I turn to the three minions and order them to attack the bouncing annoyance. They gleefully run over and proceed to beat the living shit out of him. This amuses me. After much begging and pleading, I call them off. I turn back to Gnarl.

"I'm satisfied now."

"Very well, follow me to the throne room."

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**Isho: Did you know that if you beat the jester long enough his health will go down? You and your minions will have to do it together but it takes a long time. I got bored after 15 min. and I only got a 1/4th health off of him, so I don't know you can actually kill him. It's fun though.**


	4. The not so grand tour and the TowerHeart

**Isho Moogoo: Hey. I'm updating again. What's new with you? Warning: Quotes.  
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**I don't own the people who made the game but I do own a copy of the game. I wuv it so.**

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"This is the throne room sire, well, whats left of it anyway. Most of it was distroyed or pillaged in the attacked. Horrible, the way they killed your predecessor like that. Oh well, everything is good now that you are here sire. Evil always finds a way."

Gnarl begins to cackle as I look about the ruined room. There are holes in the walls and floor and debris blocks many all of the passages but the one to the spawning pit. We walk over to a giant pool in the floor that is near a columned terrace that looked out to a valley that was surrounded by mountains.

"This, sire, is the Tower portal. This used to be where the Tower Heart resided. It would allow you to go wherever you wanted. Unfortunately it, too, was stolen.

Gnarl points at the large pool.

"The good news, however, is that we have been able to track down the last known location of the tower heart. The portal has just enough power to allow us to go retrieve it. Enter whenever you like master."

With nothing better to do I enter. After a flash of blinding white Gnarl and I are on a green hill. Gnarl turns to me.

"These fields are called Mellow Hills. Notice the fresh green grass, the bright flowers, and the bouncing sheep. Hideous is it not? try not to in hail it my lord. Now if you will follow me into this bight, green, abomination!"

He was growling at the end of the last sentence. We walk over to a rock pool of bubbling yellow liquid.

"Here you can summon minions from your tower."

I go over and summon the three minions from the rank water. Once they are out we head down to a herd of sheep.

"As you know, minions are your main attack force. To get more, you need to kill living creatures to harvest their life force. We will do so with these sheep, as they are easy to kill and very abundant. **(this is where i start putting in changes)** We will need to take a few to the tower to do this. Take as many as you want."

I take five ewes, two rams, and three lambs. That left 15 to breed here. The minions herd them to the gate where they dissolve back to the tower. We will kill them later, but for now we need to find the Tower Heart. We walk back down to where the pasture is but turn right instead. There we find a house with a pumpkin patch in front of it. Standing in the patch is a man who had both of his arms tied to a board. When he sees us or, invariably, me, he begs us to help him. After he says what was important he started to babble insanely about how the pumpkins were out to get him. I ignore him and go to the farm house. A fairly short creature is standing in front of it and he tries to fight us. I make short work of him as I don't have the time for this. I ignore the thanks of the farmer and carry on. The next pumpkin patch we come to has a huge glowing orb in the center.

"Look, the Tower Heart! Those stupid Halflings must have been using it to grow pumpkins! Those fools, they have no idea the power it contains. Quickly sire! Have the minions carry it back to the gate!"

I send the three minions over and they pick it up. They carefully navigate their way out of the patch and head towards a shortcut I hadn't noticed before. They wait for me to knock the bridge down and they put it on the gate. It disappears and we follow it to the tower.

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**Isho: Hope you like this chapter. I'll explain the sheep thing later.**


	5. minion porn?

**Isho Moogoo: This is a retelling of the first Overlord with the Raising Hell expansion pack. This is how I view the story or wanted it to be so if you don't like it you can kiss my ass.**

**In my Dark Legend fic I said I would update two weeks ago. It turns out that I didn't have the motivation to do so. I was also grounded because I was devoted to my worsening case of senioritis. You can see how well that turned out. Hope you enjoy.  
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**I don't own the people who made the game but I do own a copy of the game. I wuv it so.**

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Back at the tower I get the minions to herd the sheep into the pasture where I beat the jester for his insolence while Gnarl set up the tower heart. I appointed one of the minions as a guard for the sheep so they didn't get stolen or killed. I took the remaining two minions with me up to check on Gnarl. He was obviously done. He also looked happy.

"Good news Lord. It seems that the tower heart retained a spell for you!"

He points at a dragon head on the wall.

"Okay, so what is it?"

"It's the fireball spell Lord. I will teach you how use it if you would kindly follow me."

"Wait, before that can you tell me how to increase my minions?" **(i decided to get a little freaky with this one)**

"Of course my Lord. The minions breed much like most creatures but their pregnancy only lasts a few days, at which point they give birth to three to four baby minions who take five days to grow fully. Since we do not have any females we will have to use the old arcane method to create some females. This will require living sacrifices and magic to do. One sheep will get you two females." **(in other words, minion porn. if you want me to go into detail then you are one sick individual...want me to put it in?)**

"Are the females any different than the males?"

"In terms of appearance and fighting ability, not really. They just have different reproductive organs."

Sigh. I won't be able to tell unless I looked down there or felt them up. Both acts would severely creep me out. I guess I will keep them separated until I have them breed together.

"Take me to the sacrifice room and coach me through the steps. I'll learn the fireball spell tomorrow."

"Wise choice my lord. let us go to the spawning pits."

I tell one of the minions to get a female sheep and bring it to the pits. Suddenly a strange question pops into my head.

"Gnarl, how long do minions live?"

"Indefinitely, as long as they are not killed of course."

"Oh."

We get to the spawning pits and are met shortly after by the minion who got the sheep. He guides the sheep onto a very worn out pillar in the middle of the floor. The three minions gather around the pillar and stand still as Gnarl draws a symbol around them. Once he is done he turns to me.

"You will need to give a bit of your energy for the ritual. The symbol on the ground is the one for the female summoning so that is all you have to do."

"How exactly do I give energy?"

"Simple, you just have to be the one to kill the sheep. The circle will handle the rest."

I turn and walk up to the sheep, axe ready. I bring it down on the unsuspecting creatures neck and and marvel as my energy drained along with the blood that was spewing and dripping from the now gaping stump. As I backed away I saw that two creatures were wriggling their way out of the belly of the downed creature. When they finally came out it was two blood covered minions, obviously lacking the lower appendage.

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**Isho: Ok, so far I have had two votes for Velvet. Unless you want her to be the mistress I suggest that you start voting. I managed to set up a poll on my profile. You can vote on that if you want. I won't continue on this fic until I get at least 20 votes. If that isn't enough to motivate you then I will answer yours and Hivedragon's complaint. I WILL include Rose and Velvet no matter what,its just that I just can't decide who Gabriel will be paired up with later on. Get voting.**

**I tried to make the chapter longer, I think I failed. And I'm serious about the minion porn, if you want me to put it in I will. It just means we all have something wrong with us, fucking zoophiliacs. If you don't know what that means look it up. I personally found it in Useless Sexual Trivia by Shane Mooney. Don't read it. it will traumatize you beyond repair.  
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	6. spree

**Isho: You guy's finally came through! And it only took 3 months for 20 of you to get the balls to vote. Well here you are, the new and improved long chapter I had to bribe you with to get the votes. Assholes.**

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The females were taken to the breeding/nursery part of the spawning pit and I decide to try exploring more of the tower, the jester following me energetically all the way. Eventually I get bored and decide to explore the Mellow Hills a bit more, anything to get away from this bouncing annoyance. I walk to the tower heart and teleport away.

When I get to the waypoint gate, I summon 10 minions and head down the shortcut to the road block I had noticed earlier. The minions push it away and we head towards the large wooden wall of the local town. There are two archers guarding it. One notices me.

"Hey, Halflings approaching."

The other one looks my way.

"That ain't no Harflin'."

"Well it could be two of 'em holding up a suit of armour."

This is outragous, me, a Halfling!

"I'm not one of those midgets! Let me in!"

"I don't trust 'em, the sneaky blighters."

"Hmmmm, if you aren't one of them then you can prove it by freeing our comerades from the slave camp down the road. Prove that you aren't a coward like Lord Spree was."

"Yeah, and try not to die 'orribly like he did."

"And if you are a Harflin then hold still so I can get my aim straight."

Well it will kill some time, and hobbits, so I head down the path. I soon spot movement in the adjacent wheat fields. It's some hobbits.

"Some Halflings master! Quick, it's time to use that new spell I told you about!"

"You forgot to tell me how to use it."

"Whoops. Well, it's a relatively easy spell to learn and use, and what better practice then these hobbits! All you have to do, is concentrate on having a large ball of fire in your hand. Once it solidifies, throw it at whatever you want to incinerate."

"That's it?"

"Yep."

Well okay then. I imagine a large hot fireball, just a bit larger than my fist, and open my eyes. It worked! I hurl the molten projectile into the fields and it immediately catches on fire. The hobbits run around, screaming in agony. Hahahahahaha, this is fun! Once the initial fire dies down, me and my minions pillage the not quite dead yet corpses. Hmmmmmm.........I wonder what hobbit tasts like. I get the minions to take the slightly charred carcasses back to the gate and let Gnarl know to store them for food later.

Further along the path we come across some farmers tending more wheat fields.

"Now sire, while it is fun to kill and pillage, if you really want to establish a long term evil domain, it would require people, living people. So be carefull of what you do."

Whatever, I'll do what I want. I walk up to the farmers and ask where their loyalties lie.

"We serve no one but ourselves and the community."

That's good, I won't have to kill any leaders for power. This will be SO easy! Hahahahahahaha!!!!

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**Isho: That's it for this chappie. I keep getting reviews about how people like this particular VG fic, what do you guys like about it so much? Well your reviews are really nice to read.**


	7. slave camp ho!

**Isho: i'm getting better at the longer chappies. also faster. oh well.**

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I ask the farmers how far off the slave camp is. The one near the bale of hay responds.

"Not too far off now. You'll come across this large alter and then a pasture for sheep. Beyond that is a large gat guarded by 20 hobbits."

"Anything else?"

He shakes his head.

"I didn't get close enough to check. Otherwise I'D be a slave."

"I see, thank you."

We trudge on down the hill and into some trees. We soon come across the altar that man was talking about.

"Ah, a blood pit. These will come in handy lord."

"Why, what do they do?"

"They were built with the strict purpose of healing you."

"How do they work?"

"All you have to do is order a minion into it and they will immediately die so their life force will go to you."

"And they willingly do this?"

"Of course, they will gladly die so you don't have to."

Then he whispers

"They're very loyal."

Good, minions are useless unless they obey your every command. Since I don't need to use it, I keep walking and get to the pasture of sheep. I order the minions to send three ewes back to the tower. Need as many sheep as you can get.

"Um, I think you should know lord, one of the previous Overlords cast a spell on all of the animals and crops so that the growth and reproduction time went much quicker."

"How much quicker?"

"Well animals pass offspring a day after conception, and they in turn grow to adult hood in two days. Crops fully mature within five days. So much more efficient isn't it?"

"Yeah, now we don't need to worry about taking a cut of the crops."

"Yes."

After the minions that I sent come back, we head on to the slave camp.

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**Isho: i like to end my chapters appropriately. bye bye!**


	8. Plot Holes

**Isho: I just noticed a plot hole while I was reviewing what I wrote. How did we get 10 minions? I will explain it here so I can be lazy and you not confused. We already had 10 sheep in total. One was to make the two females. That left four ewes, two rams, and three lambs. Since there were already two minions available, we only needed 8 more. That means the three lambs, and one of the rams had to die. There was a lot of blood. Well, see u next chappie!!**


	9. Getting There

**Isho: still wondering why u guys like my particular VG fic. oh well. i do like reviews frm u gys so keep em coming.**

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We stand in the trees, just out of sight of the hobbits. How are we going to do this? They are all crammed where you turn the wheel that opens the gate. Fuck, if we had archers we could take them from afar. I could also burn the living shit out of them. Yeah! Let's go with that! I sneak closer and start to pelt them. I only manage to lob five before I nearly collapse from exhaustion. That means five are being toasted alive and the remaining fifteen are heading my direction.

"Shit. After them!"

My minions storm out of the trees and begin stabbing and biting them. Soon only eight are left and they run off. My minions come back to check on me. I stumble out, finally finding some energy in my legs.

"Gnarl, what the hell was that?!"

"You don't have unlimited magic sire. If you use it too much, you could pass out."

"How do we deal with it?"

"Well there are two ways, you could either drink a potion, or you could find a manna pit and sacrifice a minion."

"I meant, how can I be able to use more magic in one go?"

"Ah, that would require a manna pillar."

"Are all of the names so simplistic?"

"Yes, what they do is provide the tower with more magic reserves, so it supplies the energy instead of you."

That's helpful.

"Unfortunately, all of the ones we had were pillaged when the dark tower fell. We will have to find all of them again."

"Bastard."

"Sorry lor-"

We are interrupted by flying rocks dinging and pelting at my armor. Crap!

"Their throwing rocks sire! Primitives! Quick, get them before they do any real damage!"

I spot the hobbits and order the minions after them. Soon they are all dead and mutilated. I have the minions carry the bodies back to the gate for food. After ten minutes, my strength returns and so do the minions. well, time to have some fun. the minions turn the wheel and we head on through.

**On the other side**

the slave camp is contained in a dark forest, enveloped by the giant wooden wall we came through. it started to mist when we finally went through and the rain quickly picks up, drowning out the dank and musty smell. we get to one of the main paths lined with sputtering torches.

"Careful sire, we don't know what lies ahead."

I nod and we diffuse into the trees, staying close to the moistening path. I tell the minions to halt once we hear voices.

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**Isho: wooooooooooopleh i'm tired. heres ur new chappie.**


	10. Happy Dance

**Isho: new chappie!!!!! this one took awhile. you like?**

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We peer through the branches and leaves and spy two men talking to each other.

"I've been worked to the bone, my beautiful hands!"

"At least you ain't bein' fed to the troll."

"Yeah, but the guys manning the crane get it easier then us, lucky bastards."

"QUIET YOU!"

I nearly blow my cover. It's just comical. The hobbits have these miniscule, pipsqueak voices that match their size. He gives the terrified slaves a good lashing, and stays to keep a better eye on them. Gnarl chimes in.

"A crane! That was one of the things that we lost in the raid. We need it back if we are to fix the tower."

"How do you know if it's ours, and can't we just make another one?" I whisper

"I'll know it's ours because it's giving off a faint magical signal that the tower heart is picking up from your armor. And as for the making another one, it's just easier. We can make more, but that would take a month, and who likes waiting on that?"

"True. Can the tower heart pick up signals from all the tower objects?"

"Only the ones that were made in the tower. It reads your minions too."

"Why does a crane have a magical signal? It's a simple wooden, rope, and metal object."

"It flies. That way we don't have to make it taller."

"Ah."

A flying crane, well that will make it easier to transport. Now all we have to worry about is the number of hobbits in here, and the troll they mentioned. I look around the clearing to see if there are any more. Nope, just the one.

I send one of my minions to attack. He runs up behind him and stabs at the bucking midgets head and shoulders. The semi fat man falls. The victorious minion dons his armor and takes his weapon after doing a little happy dance that consisted of shaking his loin clothed behind, and shouting with joy. He then picks up the few gold coins on the body, and brings them back.

The rest of us join the body and befuddled peasants. One makes it back in time to greet me shakily.

"T-thank you sir. You are hear to help right?"

I silently nod. He sighs in relief.

"Since that's the case, if you could help us free the other logging slaves, we can help you kill the troll that guards the slaves on crane duty. And the ones who are locked up further on."

"This is perfect sire, why die when others will do it for you?"

"Agreed, how many hobbits are there here?"

The other man decides to join us.

"There are a few stone throwers and foot men guarding the other loggers. 'Bout fifteen in all."

"How many loggers?"

"Ten, including us."

Well, that will have to do.

"Lead on."

I follow them to another clearing filled with hobbits watching the few slaves hack and saw at the trees. I don't think the slave could count because there are more than fifteen. Oh well, everything can't be perfect, that's where life becomes fun!

I gage the hobbits that are there and spot the rock lobbers. They are scattered about the other ranks, a bit un-evenly. I move around to the biggest hoard of soldiers, around ten, and charge. They barely notice our presence before I get my axe into one of their heads with a soft thud, blood spattering out. The rest of the minions do their thing, some ride their adversaries, and some kick at them like they're trying to break their knees. The ones with clubs just bludgeon the horrified midgets to death.

Soon the other guards join in, and I throw a few fireballs. Soon the yelling and screaming ceases and I found out that the peasants helped us out some. While we count our numbers, the minions proceed to do their little dance as they steal the hobbit's stuff.

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**Isho: i don't know what to talk about down here, can you give me a topic or question via review?**


	11. Evil Plan Aquired

**Isho: SPRING BREAK ENDED!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............. well, it was inevidable. i finished my Fable II game for the second time, real boring. how were you gys while i was away?**

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Turns out one of the minions died. Spear through the heart. Fuck, that's annoying! Oh well, the last time I checked, the females would be giving birth within the week. Then again, some of the new minlings might be girls so I have that to consider. Oh well, I just have to make sure that no more die. I turn to the bigger group of peasants.

"Right, all of you are going to help me and the minions kill the troll they have. Any complaints?"

One raises his hand.

"Um, yeah. Who said we have to- AUUUUGGGGGGHHHH"

I ordered a minion to him. The brown creature lops off an arm and presses a torch to his dripping stump.

"Because I said so. Any more questions?"

They shake their heads feverishly, bug eyes locked on the now armless, whimpering man.

"Good. Let's go."

We head towards the light in the distance and end up near these cages. One holds a large, pink, blubbery mass that I assume is the troll. When we exit the trees, the hobbits give a squeak and the troll is released. It scratches its butt and sniffs. That is slightly nauseating. Oh well. I turn to my lackeys.

"Well, get him."

They charge, Mr. Stub in their ranks, wielding hoes, spears, short swords, and the occasional pitchfork. The minions join in as well. I'm going to have to aim my fire balls carefully. The troll flings his arms down at the attackers. He then gives up and jumps into the air. I hurled two fireballs and had to stop. I was too tired and I was also marveling at how something so big could jump so high.

The troll screams as the fire touches his face, and comes screaming back down to the ground. He lands with a deafening crash, and my little army finishes off the stunned troll. After it lies still in its own pool of blood, I call them all off. I walk up and kick its head to make sure.

Since it doesn't move, I order the minions to break the gate down so we could get in, while the slaves release their brethren. Once the gate is down, I leave the cheering crowd to seek out my reward, that crane. I'm stopped by the former slaves, who rush up and surround me.

"Thank you!"

"Thank you!"

Some grab at my arms in their revelry. Offended, I make to raise my axe.

"Careful sire, gratitude can come with its own rewards."

I scratch my last urge, Gnarl is right, again. To take control of Spree, it would be easier to acquire their affections first. And when I'm powerful enough to stop any kind of rebellion, I can drop the worthless façade. I do my best smile, which was a sneer.

"Of course, anything for someone in need."

* * *

**Isho: that's it. you gys should actually look at my poll. byes**


	12. ALERT!

**Isho: i just want all of you to know, now that i have graduated, i have time to write this son of a bitch a again. i'll get the next posts' in as soon as possible.**

**thanks  
**


	13. sup bitches?

**Isho: hey! srry none of you are important! Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha! I was too busy reading manga, reading yaoi, writing yaoi, watching yugioh abridged, dbz abridged, naruto abridged**

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* * *

**I trudge around the camp, looking for the crane, while the minions ran to and fro, salvaging anything they could find, taking the excess to the tower portal we found right after the slaves left. Hell, we even hauled the still bleeding troll to the way-point gate! I had to use all of the minions to even move it, and even then they had to drag it! when will the new minions be born? That's when Gnarl _conveniently_ chimes in.

"Sire, in case you were wondering, the females are pregnant. So 10 NewBorn's will arrive by the end of the week. At that point we should have 21 minions in total, including the females. All in all, a much better fighting force."

I nod in agreement. It would've been better if none of the minions died, but with more forces, that won't happen as much. **(this was literally my view on the matter. obviously that was completely wrong later on, it turns out you actually have to use your brain! DAMN IT! FOILED AGAIN!)** I do, however, need to figure out how many I will take with me at any given time. Can't have a gigantic army following you around everywhere, that would just tip people off to you're intentions! I suppose 30 would be reasonable. You also have to take into consideration back up forces, for whenever one of the minions bite it.

We go back to the camp, the minions licking their claws of the now rank blood. We go a bit further into the messy camp and find a few stray sleeping hobbits. Looks like they missed the party! I feel like getting some hacking done, since I decided to use magic in the actual fight. I raise my axe and behead one, which is boring so I chop another's leg off, and watch him scream and writhe in agony. I would've been happy to watch the miniscule person bleed to death, but his incessant screaming has woken the others. This makes me ecstatic as I hack them to bits. Today was fun. I walk further in and find find the crane amongst grain bags and assorted rubble. I walk up to it and look for the symbol, wanting to make sure it was ours. I find it on the bottom foundation.

"Gnarl, how do I make this hover? I don't think the minions could carry it."

"Hang on, it's been awhile. Oh yes! There is a lever inside the framework. Our previous master didn't want anyone else to use it, so he made it so that only a minion could get to it."

I nod, since minions only obey me and my incarnations. Though I don't see how a flying crane could be used against someone, let alone me. Oh well, I turn to my eagerly waiting minions and point to the least equipped one, the one who only had on a leather vest and was holding a pichfork.

"You, weasel your way inside and find the switch to make this thing run."

"Yes Master!"

He salutes and puts down his weapon and squeezes his way through the wooden beams. I soon hear a grunt and the screech of rusty metal, and soon the crane hums and starts to hover a few feet off the ground. The minions I sent squirms back out and plops back onto the ground, picking up his discarded weapon. I order five minions to push it to the way point gate, while me and the four other minions make a quick, last minuit check before we head back to the tower.

****at the tower****

"It will take at least a month to get full repairs done with the tower. I might suggest, in the meantime, to look out for a suitable mistress to help run the tower while you are away, or *ahem* just to satisfy your personal desires."

I nod. "Okay, but maybe we should first find some servants, you know, to help with the cleaning and such."

"I agree Lord, excellent idea."

"I know, but first I should head to spree, I would like to see if there is anything I can do to get them on my side permanently."

He nods and I turn and walk to the warp pool. I think about Mellow Hills and I'm gone. I saunter over to the yellow pool and summon eight minions. That will be enough for now. I decide to take the slightly longer way and take some more sheep to the tower. I soon come upon the man with his arms still tied to a board. He sees me and starts his insane rant again.

"You have to help poor Bob! The pumpkins are out for revenge for all the pies I made, and the blah blah birds in on it blah."

I look over to his small patch of pumpkins. Hmm, a balanced diet is important for all overlords.

"If you want I could take the pumpkins off your hands."

"That would be wonderful!"

I nod to the minions and they rip and chop the squashes off of their vines and also take them back to the tower gate.

"Um, if you could Lord, might you be willing to cut these ropes?"

I turn to him, bored again.

"Only if you gives half of your future crops to me."

"Of course sire. Maybe I'll start growing potatoes, at least those have no connection to the outside world."

What ever. When the minions get back, we head on to Spree. When we get there, I notice the village gates are open, and the two sentries from earlier are outside. I stop in front of them and they greet me warmly.

"We could hear the Hobbits screaming from here! Sorry for earlier, you're free to visit whenever you like Lord!"

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**Isho: reading online comics, applying for jobs, playing my new games, getting rejected by employers, crying over my xbox that caught red ring of death, finally getting hired as a telefundraiser (copyright owned by my mom), laughing at the silly reviews pleading me to continue my stories, getting beta readers 4 my stories, writing original fiction that is morbid and depressing, and my Riddick movies. Yes, all of these were waaaaaayyyyyyy more important than you *sticks out tongue***


	14. Axe of Confusion

**Isho: I got really bored while playing in the abyss. then land of confusion started playing. this is the result.**

Axe of Confusion

They must have screamed a thousand screams

Haunted by a million things

When they heard the marching feet

But what they saw was not me

Now did you see the bar today?

They say we can't take them away

But I set them all alight

I'm laughing, into the night

Too many men

Too many problems

And they're wearing me down

Kiss my axe of confusion

This is the world I live in

And these are the things I'm "given"

Use them and you start dying

And making my life worth living

Where are your hero's now?

When everything's gone wrong somehow?

The men of steel, these men of power

Are losing control by the hour

This is the time, this is the place

So we look to the horror

But there's not enough waste

This is my axe of confusion

This is the world I live in

And these are the things I'm "given"

Use them and you start dying

And making my life worth living

I remember long ago

When the sun was shining

And the peasants were bright, all through the night

There was dancing and laughter

So long ago

I will be coming home tonight

Almost tired from the fight

But there will be time

For us to have a smashing good party

There's too many people

Making too many problems

And they're just not getting it

Can't they see this is the axe of confusion?

This is the world I live in

And these are the things I'm "given"

Use them and you start dying

And making my life worth living

This is the world I live in

And these are the things I'm "given"

Use them and you start dying

And making my life worth living

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**Isho: hopes you likes**


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